Barbara Kettle Gundlach Shelter Home

Why Victims Stay

Some victims are held prisoner in their own homes. Assailantsuse psychological terrorism and brainwashing techniques to keep their victims in the violent relationship.

 

Some victims stay because they believe that counseling or therapy will help their batterers stop being violent.

 

Some victims are forced to stay because they can't afford legal help.

 

Some victims stay because there is no place for them to go. They can't afford decent and safe housing.

 

Some victims stay because they are not given accurate information about domestic abuse; they don't know they have options.

 

Some victims stay because their assailants deliberately and systematically isolate them from receiving support.

 

Some victims stay because they believe what their assailant is telling them:

• "You're crazy and stupid"
• "You're the one that's sick"
• "You need help"
• "You're hysterical"
• "If you leave, I'll get custody because you'll have abandoned me and the kids"

 

Some victims stay because their assailant encourages or coerces them into using alcohol or other substances, and even sabotages their recovery.

 

Some victims believe that as long as he does not resort to physical violence, that they are not being abused or injured. (At least he doesn't hit me!)

 

Some victims stay because agencies are not able or unwilling to offer them protection or violence (this is not the case with our shelter).

 

Some victims stay because of religious, cultural, or societal beliefs that it is their duty to keep the marriage together at all costs.

 

Some victims stay because they want the violence, not the relationship, to end. They believe in love and they still love their partners. They may take many steps to try to stop abuse, and leaving the home may be their last resort.

 

Some victims will endure physical and emotional abuse to keep the family together for the children's sake. Very often, it is when the violence is directed at her children that she will take them and leave.

 

Some victims stay because they fear their children or their own safety, or the safety of those who help them. A victim frequently faces the most physical danger when she attempts to leave: she may be threatened with violence or worse if she tries to flee.

 

Some victims stay because they believe society expects them to stop the abuse, when it is the abuser who has to stop. They feel that the community will not lend them support.