Barbara Kettle Gundlach Shelter Home

Signs of Abuse

General Information

Power and Control

 

 

General Information

 

Abuse can be physical.
Abuse can be emotional.
Abuse can be verbal.
Abuse can be sexual.

 

Abuse is about one person controlling another. It's a pattern of behaivor. Many victims don't think of themselves as being battered because they haven't been hit. Not all bruises from domestic abuse can be seen.

 

Mental, emotional, and sexual abuse are just as painful and damaging as physical violence. You may be black and blue — inside or out.

 

Victims of domestic violence come from all walks of life, all cultures, all income groups, all ages, all religions.They share feelings of helplessness, isolation, guilt, fear, and shame.

 

Are you being abused? Has your partner ever...

• hit, grabbed, choked, bitten, burned, slapped or pushed you?
• used a gun or a knife or some kind of weapon against you?
• hit you with some object like a bat or pan or belt?
• hit, held, or squeezed you so hard that it left a bruise?
• threatened to hurt or to kill you or your children or your friends?
• withheld money or food or medicine or transportation from you?
• called you names, made you feel ashamed of yourself, humiliated you?
• put you down in front of your children, your friends, your boss, or relatives?
• forced you to have sex or perform sexual acts when you did not want to?
• destroyed or broken your possessions?
• threatened to harm or kill himself if you do or do not do something?
  

 

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you may be a victim of abuse. Keep in mind that abuse is not categorized by just one hit. It is, however, categorized by repetition and patterns of violence that allow the abuser to gain control over the victim.

 

If you feel that you are a victim, take action. Contact our shelter, and start to regain control of your life.

 

"Truth isn't always beauty, but the hunger for it is." Nadine Gordimer

 

 

Power and Control

 

This chart is a graphic way of looking at different kinds of abuse. Each spoke represents a tactic used to gain control or power. The rim that surrounds and supports the spokes is physical abuse. It holds the system together and gives the abuser strength.

 

Isolation
Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, where she goes.

 

Emotional Abuse
Putting her down or making her feel bad about herself, calling her names. Making her think she's crazy. Mind games.

 

Economic Abuse
Trying to keep her from getting or keeping a job. Making her ask for money, giving her an allowance, taking her money.

 

Sexual Abuse
Making her do sexual things against her will. Physically attacking the sexual parts of her body. Treating her like a sex object.

 

Using Children
Making her feel guilty about the children, using the children to give messages, using visitation as a way to harass her.

 

Threats
Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her emotionally. Threaten to take the children, commit suicide, report her to welfare.

 

Using Male Privilege
Treating her like a servant. Making all the "big" decisions. Acting like the "master of the castle".

 

Intimidation
Putting her in fear by using looks, actions, gestures, loud voice, smashing things, destroying property.